Submitted by Youhavethegrim.

Yeah. Here’s what musicals taught me:

  • Women who can sing well but have exaggerated facial features that would appear distracting on a movie screen can find work if they can really, really overact.
  • Plays aren’t as important as musicals because you can’t make money off of a soundtrack. Also, no one buys a “Glengarry Glen Ross” collector cup.
  • If source material is too lame or shallow to support a ninety minute film or two hour play it is perfect for a three hour musical.
  • If a theatrical experience isn’t presented within a one square mile portion of New York City, it doesn’t count as real theater.
  • Musicals can make Spider-Man, gifted athleticism, and U2 all look totally lame. 
  • Bad lip syncing during a parade on Thanksgiving is apparently amazingly effective marketing.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I need to work on my Thanksgiving medley, “Well That’s Just Some Music To Drive Hits To My Two Sites And Online Store.”