Ducky: Thanks, Daddy.

Me: For what?

Ducky: For taking me out.

Me: Kinda’ gotta, Ducky. You need to go potty.

Ducky: I know. But I can tell you don’t always want to. Especially when you’re comfy on the couch or in the daddy bed.

Me: It’s my job, Ducky. It’s what daddies do.

Ducky: Why didn’t you and mommy ever get one of those human doggies?



Me: You mean have a baby?

Ducky: Yeah. They seem very popular.

Me: They are. Just wasn’t right for your mom and me. And honestly I never thought I’d be a very good daddy.

Ducky: Why?

Me: Lots of reasons. I’m pretty selfish. Fairly lazy. I don’t make a lot of money. And then there are all of the things about me that don’t need to be passed on into the gene pool. I think I would feel awful if I created another depressed, anxious, underachieving loner. I can handle being unhappy. I don’t think I could handle having created an unhappy child.

Ducky: Oh. So all those people with human doggies decided to get them because they thought that they’d make great mommies and daddies?

Me: A lot of them did. But I think usually the condom just breaks.

Ducky: What does that mean?

Me: Never mind.

Ducky: You’re a good daddy to me, Daddy.

Me: You don’t always think so.

Ducky: You want consistent emotion, get a hamster.

Me: Fair enough.

Ducky: You’re a good daddy to me. Thanks for being my daddy.

Me: Thanks, Duck.

Ducky: Happy Daddies Day, Daddy. I love you.

Me: Thanks, Duck. I love you too.



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